i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you will always have a special place in my vag
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
