why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
