Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
