i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
