Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
