smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
