i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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