Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
