i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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