Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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