Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't think brook has ever known best
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
