Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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