I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
