if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
