Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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