The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
