me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
