his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize