I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I have already put on my inside pants.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
