Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just blew my weed a kiss
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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