Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize