she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
