I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Floor bacon is actually really good
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