And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
