Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
