can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
