Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize