I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
