You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Green mimosas i think yes
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize