i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
