just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
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