AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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