I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I want her autograph on my taint
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
