How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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