dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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