I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize