everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
MIDGETS
????
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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