a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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