How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
