He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
