so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
