Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
