I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
