we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
