If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
