why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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