I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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