So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
