I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
