you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
