so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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