GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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