You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
