He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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