ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
