How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
