Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
