He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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