a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
