Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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