I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
