Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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