i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
