You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
