I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize