Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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