I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
